Kinder than Necessary

We saw it in the earliest recorded history of mankind, when Plato said, “Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle.” We saw it a century ago in Depression-era literary works when James Barrie wrote “Always be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.”

And I saw it earlier this week in a movie – the moral imperative to be kind to others, because we never really know everything that they’re up against.

As soon as I saw the previews for “Precious,” based on the novel “Push” by Sapphire, I knew I had to see it.  Precious is an obese black sixteen year-old who is pregnant with her second baby, and lives with a not-so-loving mother. The trailer is two and a half minutes of pure heartbreak.  All I wanted to do was reach through the T.V. screen and save Precious from the horrible life that she was living.

But when I started watching the movie, I was shocked.  Precious from the previews suddenly became a completely different person.  She wasn’t the sad, silent victim that I remembered.  In a typical day at school, she lashed out and hit her classmates.  She cussed profusely. She was disrespectful to her teachers.  Suddenly, the heroine of the story wasn’t so easy to love.

But then she went home.  I watched a disturbing exchange between Precious and her mother, in which countless acts of emotional and physical abuse unfolded.  And a horrifying revelation followed: Precious had been raped all throughout her life by her biological father, and he was also the father of her daughter and her unborn child.  The only joyful moments in her life were those times when she slipped into a fantasy world.  Sometimes she dreamed of being a celebrity on the red carpet with a handsome man on her arm.  Other times, she simply looked in the mirror and visualized herself as slender, with white skin.  She even fantasized of having a mother who loved her.

And then it became crystal clear why Precious was so angry, and why she lashed out toward others.

I was relieved when things finally started to get better for Precious.  A caring social worker, a special nurse, a devoted teacher and a classroom full of other struggling young women in alternative school became the family that Precious never had.  But it didn’t happen easily.  Only after Precious doled out more abusive behavior – cussing, slapping, and disrespecting the very people who were trying to help her; and only after they were kinder than necessary in word and deed, did she let down her guard and accept their support and compassion.  Only then did she find peace and gain the strength that she needed to move ahead with her life.

It was a timely reminder to me that those who seem on the surface to be the least deserving of kindness are often the ones who need it the most. 

Those of you who have seen the movie or read the book – did you find other inspirations or messages about interacting with others?  Have you recently been challenged to be kinder than necessary?